Editor’s Note: This three-part series chronicles the impact of the Vietnam War on now retired Army Ranger Paul Longgrear and his family. Their recent return to Vietnam is the subject of a documentary film “The Man Left Behind” to be shown at the GI Film Festival in April in Washington D.C.

Nineteen bullets. He counted each one, cleaned it, loaded them one by one back into his rifle. They were the bullets that would protect him against the enemy surrounding him on the battlefield where he lay, injured and alone.

And the last one – number 19 – would be the one that would end his life.

Paul Longgrear fell in love with the army the first day he entered it in 1965. He believed it saved him, but on that day in the jungle two years later, he was ready to end his own life rather than risk being captured by the enemy.

“When I got my draft notice, I thought it was a chance to change my life,” Longgrear said.

At 21 years old, he was at a place where he’d “gone as far as I could go without ending up in prison,” he said. “I wanted to change myself, but I never could seem to do it.”

He had been troubled – and caused trouble – for years, including being kicked out of three different colleges. His life was floundering when the draft notice came.

“The army gave me structure. It was what I’d been looking for. I excelled in it,” he said. Never afraid of hard work and seemingly fearless, Longgrear quickly moved up the ranks.

In 1966, while stationed at Fort Benning in Columbus, he met a young woman that captured his heart. Three months later, he married her.

“Patty was a real Christian. The first one I’d met. I wanted to marry her quickly – before she realized who I really was,” he joked.

Ten months and one day after their wedding, their first child, a daughter they named Honey Lee, was born. Three weeks after her birth, he was deployed to Vietnam.

“The last thing Patty said to me was, ‘I’ll be praying for you.’ It meant something to her, but it didn’t really mean anything to me,” he said.

In Vietnam, Longgrear continued to excel as a soldier. He found himself in Lang Vei as a Special Forces platoon leader, excited about the challenge of leading a group of men. He was aware of the possibility of a bloody battle ahead and he told his men that if anyone fell, they stayed where they fell.

“No one was to go back. I couldn’t afford to lose a man who was trying to recover a body,” Longgrear said.

The battle was even more deadly than expected. For the first time North Vietnamese soldiers fought with Russian tanks, killing almost half the men in Longgrear’s platoon.

When he was felled by enemy fire late one afternoon, his men followed his orders. leaving him for dead.

“My leg was injured and I couldn’t walk. They saw me get hit and thought I was dead. They did what I told them to do,” he said. “I couldn’t escape, so I was going to commit suicide, but my rifle was jammed and I couldn’t even do that. I took my dog tags off and buried them in the rubble. I was afraid I’d die there and they’d claim they captured me. I couldn’t do that to Patty.”

That’s when he removed all his bullets and cleaned them, hoping that it would clear out his rifle.

“I counted the bullets. I had 19 left. I was going to use 18 of them and save the last bullet for me,” he said. “I told God, ‘I’ve lived the way I chose to live and I’m prepared to die that way.’ I was ready.”

Then he heard footsteps.

“I looked around and I saw God,” Longgrear said. “He was a bright, blinding light. His presence was awesome. There was no doubt in my mind it was God. I felt warmth from the top of my head cover me all the way down. I didn’t know what to say. Then God said, ‘What are you going to do now?’ I knew I had a decision to make.

“I began to cry like a baby.”

He decided he didn’t want to die that day, in that place.

“Then it ended. The light left and the airplanes were flying overhead and soldiers were surrounding me, but I felt peace,” he said.

He struggled upright and crawled and limped his way out of the jungle. He caught up with the rest of his platoon – who were stunned to see him alive – and made it out of the battle. There were 24 American Green Berets when the battle started. Only 14 lived. Two are still listed as missing in action.

Longgrear was taken to Japan for his recovery. It was days after his injury before he spoke to his young bride.

“I got saved,” he told her on the phone.

“I know, I saw it on the news,” she said.

“No, I got saved,” he repeated. “I got religion.”

Patty Longgrear was happy with the news, but wasn’t completely convinced.

“I wanted to see it to believe it,” she said.

Sherri Brown can be reached at sbrown@lagrangenews.com or at 706-884-7311, Ext. 240.