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On a rainy Saturday afternoon, a group of dedicated people met to discuss the trials and tribulations that come with being a foster parent. Dr. John DeGarmo of the Foster Care Institute has been hosting presentations around the state in partnership with Amerigroup. 

The presentation focused on current foster parents who are or may suffer from burnout, stress and compassion fatigue. DeGarmo said he wanted to host these events, not only to retain current foster parents but help recruit new foster parents. 

The average foster parent lasts 18 months, before being burned out, said DeGarmo. 

“The real pandemic right now is mental health, and foster parents need support services they’re not currently receiving,” DeGarmo said. “The purpose of this event was to provide foster parents with the critical support they need to address trauma, burnout, and stress.” 

Compassion fatigue is a relatively new term, sometimes called secondary traumatic stress. According to the American Psychological Association, this phenomenon is common in those in helping roles, or roles that require high levels of empathy. Sometimes taking on the emotions of others frequently or regularly being around trauma can lead to a numbness to feelings, among other symptoms. 

“One component of the condition is burnout, which is associated with too much work and not enough resources to do that work well. Burnout can result in depression and anxiety, physical and emotional exhaustion, less enjoyment of work, and more arguing,” APA states. “Another component of compassion fatigue is secondary traumatic stress, or indirect exposure to trauma via helping others.”

DeGarmo sees this fatigue often in new and experienced foster parents. He and his wife have fostered kids since 2001 and know the signs well. DeGarmo said fatigue, among other factors like lack of resources, has contributed to the scarcity of foster families.

According to Joanne Broderick, president of the Troup County Foster Parent Association, as of July, there were 73 of the county’s children in foster care. She adds that this time of the year tends to see fewer kids in homes and that number averages around 100 kids. 

Numbers spike around winter. By that point, the kids know their teachers and feel more comfortable speaking with someone about issues at home. When kids are not in school, during the summer, numbers trend lower. Of those 73 kids, 71.23 percent are housed outside of Troup County due to the small number of foster homes.  

Most of those in the audience were foster parents who had been taking placements for some time. DeGarmo makes it clear that ‘not caring’ is not the solution to compassion fatigue. 

“It’s okay to be emotionally attached. In fact, it’s healthy to be emotionally attached to that child, because they need that stability. They need that structure,” he said. “But what they need more than anything else is for someone to love them with all their hearts, because you might be the first person who’s ever loved them in that way. And if we don’t do that, if we don’t give them all of our love, they know it. They feel it.”

Instead of taking on so much to the point of fatigue or burnout, DeGarmo preaches the importance of parents taking care of themselves first. Not only by practicing self-care, like trying to get sleep and exercise but also by saying no. 

“Don’t feel guilty for saying no. It’s self-care,” DeGarmo said. “Don’t feel guilty for saying no to a placement. because it just means you can’t give a child what the child needs right now, or it might not be a good fit for your own family.”

While there are things both prospective and current foster families can do to avoid compassion fatigue, DeGarmo said more resources are needed to be able to take care of these kids. He has partnered with Amerigroup to travel around the state of Georgia to give parents some resources and support.

Broderick said they are in need of more foster homes in Troup County. When kids have to be placed out of the county, it means they have to move schools and be away from biological families and environments they are familiar with. 

It seemed that everyone in the room could agree that being a foster parent is one of the most fulfilling things they have done. DeGarmo does not put these presentations on to scare away future foster parents but rather to show the impact they can have on these kids and vice versa. 

Some of the misconceptions he hears from people getting into foster care are that they have to be married or rich and have a big house, all of which are untrue. 

The biggest misconception is that “The kids are bad kids. They’re not bad kids. These kids are struggling with trauma and abuse and neglect. They are kids who want to be loved,” DeGarmo said. “It hurt too much to get the kids back. Well, that’s how it’s supposed to be because they need us to love them with all their hearts, and when they do leave, hearts break. But again, that’s a gift, a broken heart for the child, because they need someone to love them.”  

For those in Troup County interested in fostering a child, go to the Troup County Foster Parent Association Facebook page. DeGarmo and Broderick acknowledge that not everyone can commit to being a foster parent. The page offers ways to help foster children through donations, volunteer opportunities and more.